Three voices

There is a strange inner sensation — a kind of new voice inside that starts to appear when someone is healing from fawning and people pleasing.    Don't worry if you didn't feel it yet, it comes in your own right timing.

It’s the emergence of a healthier part of us, I would call it inner protector. You can call it an inner adult, or simply a wiser self. And what is often confusing and may feel chaotic and intense, that the inner protector may stand up against the inner critic. Imagine - the inner critic had the power in your psyche for almost all of your life and suddenly - new voice appears. The inner critic may go wild because it is loosing power. You may experience the inner battle.

And honestly?
It can feel scary and overwhelming.
Because suddenly there is this new voice in your head, the head feels crowded.
It may tell you to do things differently.
It may override the old patterns, the old ways you used to think. 

And suddenly you may hear things like:

“Hey, wait a minute.
I deserve better.”

Or…

“I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that.”

The inner lion is roaring. 

Or…

“I have a need, and my need is valid.”

Or even something simple like:

“I want that new dress. I need beauty in my life. I am allowed to want things.”

This new voice can feel unfamiliar, almost rebellious. For years or maybe decades it was silent, maybe it didn't have safety or space to express itself, maybe the safest expression for it was to create migraine in your head or spasmodic belly.

And you just sit here now:
“What is going on? Who is talking here? What is happening? Who is this voice?

The good news, the inner adult / inner protector may give your Your inner child long ago needed care. The inner child may start finally feel safe enough to express itself, to choose what would make him happy, to choose self expression and finally make a step to meet the needs which were not met for decades. 

So here we may have three voices. Inner critic. Inner adult. Inner child.

The inner critic.
Loud, sharp, confused, angry.
Saying things like:
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Are you crazy?”
“Stop this. Go back. Stay small.”
The old survival voice.

Is it crazy to have three different voices?  actually… no. But unfamiliar for sure.
This is exactly what starts to happen when you heal.
It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable, confusing. All the parts which were suspressed for years come back to aliveness in your own one body. It’s literally your fractured self — all the parts you had to abandon or had no space for — trying to come back toward one whole. Imagine a puzzle pieces, coming together to one beautiful picture. 

So what do we even do with this?

I don’t think there is a perfect way and we don't need one, it will be messy, at least for some time.
But maybe we can give each of these voices a little bit of space. Each voice - a soft, nurturing hug, a listening ear.

“I hear you. I see you. I know why you’re here.”

To the critic:
“I hear you. You come from pain. You’re trying to protect me.”

To the inner child:
“Come here. Let me hold you. You don’t have to hide.”

To the new adult voice — the one that says:
“Hey, wait. My needs are valid.”
“Hey, I need space.”
“Hey, I deserve better.”
We can say:
“I hear you too. And I’m choosing you. Thank you for being here”

And then we hug our own bodies.
We try to soothe them the way maybe no one soothed us.
We try to give that love we never really got when we were little but so desperately needed it.

Not perfectly. Just patiently.

And maybe this is how healing starts of fractured selves  —
in these small, chaotic moments
when all the parts speak at once,
and somehow…
we begin to attune to them differently, with more space, compassion, empathy and care.