Healing Begins with Love, Not Fixing

 

How often we try to "fix" ourselves into healing, the good old pattern of ours which kept us safe may be not so good in the healing journey. Our nervous system can feel overwhelmed when we see the healing as to do list. It senses that something isn’t right, and instead of feeling at peace and relaxing, it goes into survival, our body tightens up, trying to “correct” what it thinks is broken. It’s like telling yourself, “I’m not enough the way I am, I need to change, there is danger if I will be the way I am at this moment.” This can put us into a cycle of pressure and stress. How is your spine now when you are reading this? 

But what if, instead of fixing, we just accepted ourselves as we are? Easier said than done, I know. When we stop judging and start embracing ourselves, we allow our body to relax, our nervous system has a chance to breath. Healing and growth happen when we feel safe, when we stop pushing and allow ourselves simply be. It is particularly true for all perfectionists and overachievers. Hello there! 

 It can be very hard to accept ourselves, especially when we already carry the shadows of shame and fear, but even just 0.0001% of self-acceptance is enough. Over time, it will grow, and with that small shift, we begin to create space for the peace and healing we deserve. We don’t need to fix anything, we are worthy right now. What do you feel in your body when you hear this idea? How is your spine, your belly when you hear that you are loved divinely here and now? Without any extra projects, maybe in the messy room, maybe with undone tasks and wild hair?

It may be especially uneasy if we received love only when we achieved, when we strived. Maybe in the beginning it was school, a  music contest, a hobby, a talent? Maybe you got a smile on your caregiver's face only when you received A+, or  you won a contest of math or Aikido? At first sight it can look wonderful, what a talented bright kid! But what was your approach to rest, was were balance? Were you able to rest or hear your other needs? Maybe you wanted to spend more time with your friends building a fort? Maybe you felt keen on listening to your grandmother's story while she was cooking your favourite meal, maybe to play with a dog? 

What is important - to feel safe we must feel that we have a choice. CHOICE is powerful medicine for our nervous system. When we are heard and seen as an autentic being with all our needs and we are allowed to make a choice which our bodies crave, it gives us power, it makes us growth, it straightens our intuition. Our nervous becomes flexible, because we straighten our listening to our needs and we feel free to choose, try and adapt according to the outcome. 

And as the grown ups, having this flexibility and attunement to our own needs protects us from the burnout, protects us from depletion.